Wining Wife®

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Tag: relationships

Lingerie Shopping Gift Guide from Hips & Curves

plus size christmas lingerie

Be prepared to hand the computer over to your husband (or boyfriend, or girlfriend – your partner).  Be sure the kids are in bed or otherwise occupied. Here are some great finds from Hips & Curves, a lingerie shop that carries cute & sexy things in plus sizes.

*This post contains affiliate links. Should you purchase from one of these links, I will receive compensation. This list is sponsored and compiled by the folks at Hips & Curves. I have included some photos, others that are a bit more risqué have been omitted. Also, be aware that this is not safe for work, nor does inclusion on the list entail my own endorsement. However, if you’re looking for a good way to switch things up with your partner, there are some ideas – including those relating to a particular novel involving the word “Grey” in the title.*

A “Haute” Holiday. Christmas Lingerie

The weather outside might be frightful, but private time can be delightful! Ignore the cold weather outside while heating things up with our “Haute” lingerie selections this holiday season.

Plus Size Sexy Santa Tie Cup Babydoll with Marabou Trim

Sexy Santa Tie Cup Babydoll with Marabou Trim – $39.95

(NOT PICTURED)

Naughty Mrs. Clause Open Cup Bustier – $47.95


Charmeuse and Lace Tie Back Babydoll – $37.95

Plus Size Satin Jacquard Corset, Red

Red and Black Satin Corset – $69.90

Plus Size Appliqued Lace and Satin Corset, Red and Black

Appliqued Lace and Satin Red and Black Corset – $85.90

 

Hannukah

Those 8 shinning lights won’t be the only thing heating up the night. Shine bright this festival of lights and let your partner discover their own holiday miracle when you’re wearing one of the fabulous holiday styles below.
 

Lace Overlay Garter Chemise – $39.95

Plus Size Sinfully Sweet Georgette Babydoll, Mulberry

Sinfully Sweet Georgette Lace Babydoll – $39.95

(NOT PICTURED)

Babydoll Peignoir Set – $49.90 – $55.90

Bella Taffeta Corset – $49.95


Bronwyn Steel Boned Corset – $149.95

Accessories

For Mrs. “Claws”

Sometimes Mrs. Claus likes to go from cookies to a bit more crazy. Have some fun this holiday by turning Mrs. Claus into Mrs. Claws.

(NOT PICTURED)

Studded Pyramid Ring Choker with O Ring – $34.95

(NOT PICTURED)
Red Heart Nippies – $15.00

(NOT PICTURED)
18″ Riding Crop – $24.95


Burlesque Boa – $29.95



3 Piece Body Jewel Set (Metallic/Blue) – $16.95

50 Shades of Fun

With the movie coming out, why not start Valentine’s early with a 50 Shades of White Christmas kick off. Here are 5 products to help turn your Silver Bells a bit more “Grey”.


Fifty Shades of Grey™ All Mine Deluxe Blindfold – $24.99


Fifty Shades of Grey™ Soft Limits Deluxe Restraint Wrist Tie – $22.99


Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy – $45.95


Fifty Shades of Grey™ You Are All Mine Metal Handcuffs – $19.99

 


Fifty Shades of Grey™ Twitchy Palm Spanking Paddle – $29.99


Fifty Shades of Grey™ Hard Limits Universal Restraint Kit – $59.99

 

Sleepwear

Whether its cooking, eating, cleaning, going to friend’s for dinner, singing or hosting family, sometimes you only want “me time”. When you’re ready to relax and let your holiday go, try some of the following super-comfy and relaxing sleepwear. You deserve it!  

Plus Size Super Soft and Comfy Halter Top with Lace Trim, Heather Grey

Soft and Comfy Halter Top with Lace Trim – $39.95


Soft and Comfy Nightshirt – $37.95


Soft & Comfy Tank Dress with Lace Back – $32.95


Super Soft and Comfy Lace Trim Robe – $59.95


Soft & Comfy Robe – $49.95

 So there you have it! Have fun and be safe this holiday season!

Life: Don’t go to bed angry

By remembering that Wining Husband is my best friend, it helps to resolve differences when they crop up. He and I promised one another to avoid going to bed angry when we got married.

In the vows my husband and I said to each other when we got married, we had our marriage deputy (my father-in-law) give a speech about what makes a good marriage. Including in the quote in our vows was a bit about not going to bed angry. We never go to bed angry – and believe me, like all married couples, we have our disagreements.

To me, not going to bed angry means that you don’t take a grudge with your spouse. Even if you don’t resolve the argument, you remember that you love this imperfect person next to you. You remember that you’ve promised this person a future. You remember all the wonderful things that sharing a life with this individual means for you. Sure, you might not see eye-to-eye, but at the same time, who wants to always agree with their spouse? It would be like being married to yourself, and if you’re like me, that would be booooooorrrrring!

Instead, it’s good that we challenge one another. What else will make us grow? I promised my husband to be his student and his teacher. Sure, we might not agree all the time, but we can definitely learn from one another. It’s hard to admit when I’m wrong, but when I realize that I am, I quickly apologize and we move on. Vice-versa is true of Wining Husband. If you’re going to bed angry, you’re holding onto resentment. Your spouse is only human. Many things that we argue about really don’t matter in the long run of things. I mean, I honestly cannot remember what little thing it was that sparked the last argument we have. What I do remember is my husband holding my hand the entire time I was in the ER having medical tests done. What does matter is having mutual respect and honesty in a relationship. Those are paramount to having a good life together.

Success in Life through Personality Engineering

Commitment doesn’t just mean commitment to your spouse when it’s working. It means looking at the person you’re arguing with, remembering that the person is fallible, and has his or her own flaws and strengths, and remembering that you love that person. It means choosing to take a deep breath and find a way to resolve differences rather than shout out angry words. It means saying “I need to take a break and have some space in the other room for a few minutes” when you feel flooded with emotion. It means that you look at the other person and you want no harm at all to ever come to that person – least of all from you. That’s why it’s so important that when you climb into bed next to your spouse, that you do not harbor feelings of anger. Anger breeds discontent and resentment which are killers for a marriage. In my book, Success in Life Through Personality Engineering (Co-authored with Murali Chemuturi), I talk about healthy relationships and sustaining a marriage. It is vital to keep resentment out of relationships, because it can lead to contempt. By resolving conflicts quickly – or agreeing to discuss an argument later, and going to bed together as a couple – contempt can be kept out of relationships.

 

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Date Nights

 

The Wining Husband and I after our last date night – dinner, drinks, and conversation – what else do you need?

Date nights are an important part of any long-term relationship. Let’s face it, we all get busy. There are careers to build, kids to shuttle around, friends to see, and organizations to be involved in. Even if you spend your evenings with your spouse, it’s not the same as being engaged in courtship with your spouse. In fact, in my wedding vows with Wining Husband, we promised one another that we wouldn’t end the courtship and that we would be each other’s partner in mischief.

In all seriousness, you do need to get out. We have things we like to do on a weekly basis – going to wine tastings, hanging out at a sports bar, enjoying walks together, watching movies at home together – but date night is different. On date night, you get dressed up to go out with your spouse. You go to an effort for your partner – and you do something different. We have “mini-dates” often, and true date nights about once a month where we’ll go to dinner, see a movie or an opera (at the movie theater!), and perhaps if the mood strikes us we’ll see a band or go dancing. By continuing to date after you’ve already “won” over your partner, you can keep that magic connection. You can forget about housework and laundry and work and kids and gardening and doctors appointments and you can just be together.

Too often we become too complacent in our relationships. We wake up next to the same person day after day, and sometimes we forget why we’re with that person who made our knees go weak in the early stages. Instead, what we see is an endless list of chores, obligations, and bills. Set all that aside. If you’re short on cash, pack up a picnic dinner. Grab an inexpensive, but amazing bottle of wine. Go hike somewhere, spread out a blanket, and let the day pass – without phones or computers.

What are your favorite date night ideas? Post your ideas in the comments!

 

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Expressing Gratitude

 

Theme Song: “Thank You” Alanis Morissette

I’m not sure we express enough gratitude in our daily lives. Sure, we utter our “thank you” for the big things in life, but we start taking little things for granted, and we do so pretty easily.  Instead of being thankful for our evening sunset walk, we trudge along, avoiding cars, and take little notice of the beauty around us. We certainly don’t think about saying “Wow, I am really lucky to be here right now, and I am especially lucky to partake in this beautiful moment.”

No, instead, we start to think of our surroundings and the people inhabiting the surrounding space as the background noise of our lives. As we walk from point A to point B, we are often so concerned with what we’re going to do at point B, we forget about the journey. Sometimes, however, the journey is just as majestic and special as the destination.

Sometimes, instead of hugging our loved ones and saying “I’m so glad you’re alive and that I get to share a portion of my life with you,” we say in a flat voice “Why didn’t you x today?” We forget all about the amazing fact that we met the person we’re with, or that we had the child who now looks up at us with great confusion, or that the time we are all here on this earth is limited.

I’m so thankful for my family – what are you thankful for?

Sure, saying “thank you” or expressing gratitude for the wonderful things in life may seem quite cheesy, but when was the last time you stopped and said “thank you” instead of focusing upon all the things life is lacking at the moment? I found myself recently caught up in focusing on the negative when today I remembered just how darned lucky I really am. I have a  wonderful husband and family. I have a son who is filled with curiosity. I have amazing, intelligent, and courageous friends who support me. I have a beautiful home. We are able to do a lot of fun things, and I’ve recently been enjoying an amazing trip with my husband and son. It’s so easy to get caught up in the minutia – the things that bug us…the insects that fly around us as we enjoy a sunset picnic dinner – but if we allow that to happen, then we lose sight of what’s really important – that amazing sunset picnic dinner.

When was the last time you took a moment to think about the things that you have already? What sorts of things are you thankful for? Feel free to share your gratitude in the comments section!

 

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Married!

 

Theme Song: Pink MartiniLet’s Never Stop Falling in Love

Just Married!

So, a week ago, my husband and I decided, for a variety of reasons, that we would go ahead and get married. We still are planning on having a religious/traditional wedding next year on our two-year anniversary. It’s always good to celebrate love. We went out to a local bridge and said our vows, in front of our officiant – my husband’s father – and then we went out to lunch and drank champagne to celebrate. I don’t think I’ve ever made a better decision than the one I made in marrying him. We followed up our marriage ceremony by heading off that evening to participate in my second firewalk – his first. The first firewalk was 4 days before we met. It was just as amazing a second time. We each crossed the fire once on our own, and then twice holding hands. Talk about a spectacular way to celebrate a marriage! We finished off the evening by both participating in an arrow breaking ceremony. There are photographs of the event, that I will post as soon as I have them available to me. Meanwhile, here’s a picture of us a little bit before we walked over 1400 degree coals together.

Mr. and Mrs. Firewalker before our walk across the coals

I couldn’t imagine a better partner or friend. Here’s to many years spent in the future with the most wonderful and supportive husband a gal could dream of  🙂

 

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Engagement Party!

 

Theme Song: “Let’s Never Stop Falling in Love” Pink Martini

So tonight we had some local friends over for our engagement party. It seems everyone has a cold or was out of town…but we still had a good time. Here are some pictures from the event. (And yes, those are my awesome shoes I wore tonight – super high heels – and supremely comfy! I made pulled pork and flan! It was a spectacular night! The company that made it was great!)

What did you do with your Saturday night?

 

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Forcing Incompatibilities

 

Image courtesy of http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1182577

Theme song: Pink “So What”

Sometimes, you have to meet the right person in order to know just how wrong the wrong person was.

I think it’s interesting how sometimes, we want our story to be more important than real life and so we’ll try to force compatibility out of incompatibility with others in order to do so. I’m at a point in my life where I no longer want to be someone I’m not just to get along with others. But when I was younger, I would do that all the time. You see, growing up, I wasn’t someone who fit in with the crowd. I preferred reading books to shopping for clothes, writing stories to going to the movies, and sports to makeup.  I was content to march to the beat of my own drummer. I was a kid who’d read the Bible because I felt like I should know what was in there – not because I believed that it was true.

Things changed at some point. Though I was always the philosophical kid, I met someone in high school who changed me. I gave up watching The New Mickey Mouse Club – which may have been for the best, but I also gave up other things. I gave up creative writing club, Amnesty International, stage crew, radio club, acting and dancing classes, several close friends, and babysitting. I gave up the music I loved to listen to – exchanging rap for hard rock. I went from being the girl who would sing loudly to passing cars with her best friend in front of the house in exchange for being quiet. I went from being confident to being very self-conscious. I wanted a black dress to wear to prom, I wound up wearing a white one at his insistence. I began to give up the traditions I’d grown up with in exchange for his traditions. In essence, I gave up me. When the relationship ended, I had to re-define who I was, outside of the relationship. Some of it was because of his insistence that I change, but I also allowed it to happen. I’d been too afraid to be who I was – for whatever reason, and too afraid to lose the attention he gave me.

Parents stepped in, but for different reasons. We were too serious about each other too young – far after I gave up my first activity. When I look at various life events I’ve experienced, I look at that period and think, “Parents should have stepped in much sooner.”

Later in life, I met up with the same boy, only he was grown up. I convinced myself that our story would be a romantic love story – even though we had nothing in common. Once again, I found myself being changed. Before him, I had a list of reasons not to get married, denoted by random numbers I’d come up with when a friend would complain about a spouse or I’d read random marriage stories (full disclaimer here, I’m still not entirely sure I believe in marriage. The main reason I wasn’t sure marriage worked was because in most cases, the woman winds up giving up a lot of herself for the sake of the relationship. Granted, relationships in general require that we compromise on some things – and I haven’t always been willing to compromise!)  Once again, I gave up many things that were important to me – graduate school, reading for fun, alone time, friends, traditions, and more.

Granted, I don’t blame him for all of that. It takes to to tango, and I was at a place, at 30, where I was freaking out about the fact that I was single. I let a lot of things slide. “You don’t like brown? I guess I won’t wear my favorite brown shirt then.” “You act strange at parties because you get nervous? I guess I won’t be going to parties anymore.” “You have a problem with the holidays I celebrate? I guess I won’t be hunting Easter eggs anymore.” “You want me to denounce the traditions I grew up with and embrace yours? –

but wait, I can’t. I never considered myself so, but I cannot give up the ideas and traditions of Christianity.” When I realized that, and realized how much of myself I’d been letting pass by – I was the sort of person before we were together who always had to be doing something, out in the world. With him, I was the sort of person who worked all the time. I no longer had balance. I started to reclaim who I was.

But, when I started to reclaim myself, and the things I wanted out of life, I started to realize that there was no way in which we were compatible for one another. And things, eventually, became crystal clear that they would not work out.

Why am I writing all of this? Publicly? I don’t know, I suppose it’s because I want to save other women (and men) from making similar mistakes. It’s not the only relationship where that happened, but it is the only relationship where it happened to such a degree that a year later I’m still undoing the “not-mes” that had occurred. I finally once again have a wardrobe that reflects my personality. If you find yourself forcing incompatibilities into compatibilities, it’s like putting too much stuff in an already overflowing closet. At some point, that door will open, and it will all fall out. You’re not alone – others I’ve talked to have done it, but if you’re doing it, don’t marry the person. At some point you will want to be you again.

The truth is, you don’t have to like the same music or the same people in order to be with someone. Why do we fool ourselves into believing that we have to meet some sort of imaginary checklist the other person has? Moving forward, if  being around someone makes you uncomfortable, and you find yourself saying you like things you don’t like or acting in a manner that goes against who you are, think hard about what that other person really is adding to your life. You should be able to be yourself when with your partner. My current partner is supportive, and I can always be myself around him. I never have to pretend to be someone else, and more importantly, I never have to pretend to like anything I don’t like. It’s so important to find someone you love who loves you for exactly who you are. And with all the crazy stuff that  happens in life, there is nothing more important than being yourself. Sure, that means we don’t always agree, but it also means we respect and love each other completely.

Have you ever compromised yourself for someone else? What happened?

 

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On Those Who Man-Bash (or Woman-Bash)

 

Image courtesy of http://www.sxc.hu/photo/783246

Theme Song: “Vertigo” U2

So there I was, about a year ago, watching Sex in the City as a divorced woman with a friend. When I was in my 20s, it was one of my favorite TV shows. As I watched the movie, I noticed all the man-bashing jabs, and watched my friend laugh at them. This isn’t to say I’ve never found such jokes humorous. But it is to say that I think that it’s safe to say that I’m no longer in a place where I think it’s funny to bash significant others.

Let’s face it, these are the people we want to spend our lives with! Whether you call someone an oaf to his face or behind his back, it’s cruel, disrespectful, and frankly not funny. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think it can’t possibly be a sign that you love the person you’re with.

But women in relationships aren’t the only ones who do this. Single women do this too. They poke fun of the men they date, put them down, etc. Some women bash before the man even gets to the door for the first date. Our society seems to think this is okay. However, my thoughts are if you don’t respect the guy, don’t go out with him, it’s that simple.

The same goes in reverse – men, if you don’t respect a woman, don’t date her! This kind of mate bashing is just cruel. In some of the groups I’m a member in on Cafe Mom, there’s a lot of this kind of bashing that goes on (women bashing their husbands, partners, etc.). It saddens me. While not every guy is a good guy, there ARE some really good guys out there, and they deserve respect from the women who love them.

It’s interesting because the attitudes we have towards members of the opposite sex, even those things we think are harmless, can eat away at our relationships with others. How many times have we been the recipient of a joke someone else thought was funny, only to find that it hurts us? I know that’s happened to me, and I’m sure other people have experienced this.

I don’t think other people’s weaknesses should be the way we bond with our friends. It’s bad karma. If you find yourself bonding over bashing other people, try changing the subject. There are so many interesting things to talk about. I won’t say I’ve never participated in man-bashing, but over the years, I’ve realized that it’s like a cancer. My fiancé does so many great and wonderful things for me and for others. He is an awesome man. I’d never say a negative word about him (In fact, I can’t think of anything negative to say about him, anyway). Instead of bashing your man (or woman, or friend, or date, or partner, etc.), try taking a deep breath and think about all the wonderful things that person has done for you and brought into your life.

Have you ever bashed someone else just to bond with a group of people? How did that work out for you?

 

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Engagement, Letting go of Fear, and Fuzzy Bunnies

 

Theme Song: “One Night, One Kiss” – The Russian Futurists

Current Projects: Client work, laundry, cleaning the bathroom

So, first off, I got engaged! YAY!  That’s a really good thing. Unlike the woman on tv who runs amok afraid of commitment and long-term relationships, I am in one, and it’s awesome. I was reading a post by Charlie Penn over at Man, Wife, and Dog on Huffington Post today about reasons why we should believe in marriage. There are so many good reasons to believe in marriage – if your marriage is a healthy one. One of the greatest things about marriage is that you have someone, presumably  your best friend, there with you when the going gets tough. It’s amazing how many proverbial rocks can be flung at you in life. When you have an advocate, hanging out with you, believing in you, it makes everything that much better!

Then we come into letting go of fear. At my church’s sermon on Easter Sunday, the pastor talked about how when the three women came to clean Jesus’ corpse, there was instead an angel there. The angel said, first, “Don’t be afraid.” It got me thinking about a lot of things – this sermon. First, I thought about how many times we are afraid – and how that fear really does hold us hostage was a big point that resonated with me. Even with the firewalk last year, sometimes I still am afraid of things – all kinds of things! When you let fear take you as hostage, you become frozen and cannot move. And it got me thinking – sometimes two contradictory fears can really mess with you – the fear of success and the fear of failure. If you’re someone who holds both of these fears, I can feel for you. I’ve been known to get “stuck” between these two fears myself.

The sermon accompanied a book I’ve been reading, Work Like You’re Showing Off. This book has a chapter on “letting go.” It’s important to be able to let go of stuff that holds us back. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about negative thought patterns. Yes, I did a firewalk – and that was *awesome!* I’d recommend it to anyone who has something they want to overcome in terms of fear. At the same time, I still struggle sometimes with self-doubt. (YUCK!) I think part of i
That gets me to the second thought on letting go of fear – sometimes we’re comfortable being held hostage by the things we fear – because it is what we know. If I were to let go of some of my hangups, the need to analyze everything, little nagging fears etc., then that would mean venturing into an uncertain future. And that gets me back to the original topic of the post – marriage. In order to commit ourselves, we need to let go of a lot of past crap that’s hanging around. In some ways there are lots of things that can go wrong in a marriage, but the truth of the matter is, it offers a lot of things that can go right – and there’s a lot of stability.t comes with analyzing everything – even stuff I don’t need to analyze.

Last year I did a firewalk (it happened to be just a few days before I met my fiancé). What are you doing to overcome your fears?

 

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